When Drifting In The Doldrums...

Every so often the winds of change drop upon the great Ocean Of Photography and the trade seems to float bobbing and becalmed. It is a challenging time for writers, and we have to draw upon hidden reserves of hyperbole to get the vessel moving again. It is either paddle or blow. It is the same for many trades and businesses - the people who sell hifi equipment have known these spells regularly over the last 50 years. A level of achievement has been attained and there doesn't seem to be another one anywhere near to be attempted. The electronics boys have resorted to a number of ploys in the past...and I wonder if some of them would be a good idea now: a. Precious metals. When regular copper wire to connect the speakers proved to be too hard to sell, gold, iridium, platinum and celery* wires were rolled out. Together with plugs that were machined like watch components, these new wires were astronomically priced and sold very well. People claimed to be able to hear cannons in all Tchaikovsky's overtures, and not just the 1812... b. Precious names. Components were named with more care and prestige than warships. Words that previously were used to describe deities and philosophical concepts were applied to loudspeakers and tape players. It must have worked because no-one was struck down by lightning. c. Violent colour combinations. Well, not violent, exactly. Startling. Attractive in some cases. The Quad company did things with beige, brown, and orange that sold far better than you'd expect. d. Lies. Well, not exactly lies, as such. Specifications that had been written to advantage. Numbers quoted during the Wattage Wars that were boosted more by clever copy writing than by increased electrical power. It paid to read the fine print, but it was always disappointing. e. Sex. Oh it sold hifi gear, all right. Not in the actual showrooms, mind...at least not during business hours..., but in the minds of the prospective buyers. Album covers with nudes, dim lighting, and startling hair-dos were a factor. Ravel's " Bolero " was another. The " Birdy Dance " was a go-er for a time there, but thankfully died out. f. Buyer's clubs. The World Record Club sold LP's of rather pedestrian orchestras playing symphonic warhorses interspersed with artists we were told were the fashionable rage of any place else but where we were at the time. You had to be careful what you signed up for because some buyer's clubs forced you to take what they could not sell elsewhere. Come to think of it, this is sounding better all the time. g. Strange new names. Brands that were apparently household names in Europe were sold here as if we were supposed to know all about them. This is fine but you have to remember that some of the household names in Europe refered to rat poison or turnip brandy and often they were by the same maker. I must not be too cynical. The new goods that were promised at the last great trade show will eventually arrive. Some new idea will be launched and we'll all want one. And iconic image will be made and we'll all copy it for years. But, please, let it start soon... * For fibrous music.