I went to the shops this weekend. Not this one, mind - other shops. Garden City and Perth CBD. Holiday purchases needed during the next three weeks.
Well, that WAS interesting. Book shop, luggage shop, ABC shop, Games World, David Jones, Myers, Miss Mauds, and Sushi Sushi. An eclectic mixture, but my friends and family are a mixed lot so I match the present to the person.
What I learned:
1. No-one in the line ahead of me in Myers, David Jones, ABC shop, Games World, Miss Maud's, or Sushi Sushi asked " What's your best price...? ". I looked to see if they were dead, but they were all alive. Apparently it is considered correct to pay the price on the sticker. My head swam when I realised this, but I am coming to terms with it.
2. Newton was right. Greater mass creates greater gravity and leads to attraction of bodies. As people acquire ever larger 4WD and SUV cars they drive ever closer to your rear bumper. The purchase of these large vehicles must demand a great deal of their patience and good manners because by the time they are in the Garden City car park they have none of it left. I think there should be pumps at petrol stations that put perfume and tranquillising mist into the cabins of these cars along with the petrol and diesel. Or we should be allowed .44 revolvers.
3. Sometimes shop electric lighting systems break down and leave the staff in the gloom. This is inconvenient to the shoppers but it does allow the management to hire uglier workers. There is hope for me yet...
4. Apparently you can sell expensive coffee machines but you cannot stock the actual coffee for it. That has to come from the maker of the coffee machine. In the post. I am trying to relate this to our shop and the closest I can come to it is if we sell you a Nikon D930s ( the new Nikon D930s, not the old D930...) we then send you to the memory card shop and they post you out the card...and you can get the card in 25 different flavours, all with Italian names. Ciao!
5. Christmas wrapping paper comes in two sizes; too small or too large. Cost/weight ratio for it makes it slightly more expensive than plutonium.
6. If you have a cat, do not leave an empty paper bag on the floor then later drop something on what you naturally believe to be an empty paper bag. No good will come of it.
7. Label the presents as you wrap them. Never mind the twee little tags and the ribbons. Sticky labels and a ball point will do it, and you won't have to unwrap them to see who gets them. Wrapping presents with Kevlar tape is just mean. Mean fun, mind, but mean. But fun.
8. You cannot wrap some things. And I don't mean that damn cat. I mean there are some things that are either so distinctive in shape or so awkward that they cannot be enclosed. For these there is the green garbage bag with a nice ribbon.
9. Sushi Sushi does not have a rent-before-you-buy policy.
10. If you get your holiday shopping done early you can sit in the lounger out the back with a book and a drink and watch other people do theirs. It gets funnier and funnier the closer you get to Christmas but be careful about laughing out loud.
